Unmasking Narcissism: A Deeper Look into the Impactful Dynamics of Relationships and the Healing Journey Within
We are living at extremely interesting times in our beautiful world where it’s so much easier to criticize and judge others than it is to compliment and wish one another well.
More so when it comes to relations abuse regardless of whether it is emotional abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse (yes this exists) and or
sexual abuse.
The first reaction of any person who is subjected to the above is to blame someone for their current position at their lives at that moment. That blame normally goes to the partner in the relation and or family or colleague by naming them Narcissistic.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that affects how you view yourself and relate to others. Having NPD means you have an excessive ‘need’’ to impress others or feel important. That need can be strong enough to drive harmful behaviours, negatively affecting you and those around you.
NPD as abbreviated in medial fields, gets its name from Narcissus, a hunter from Greek mythology. According to the myth, Narcissus was so obsessed with his own beauty that he couldn’t stop looking at his reflection in a pool of water. He did nothing else but stare at his reflection until he died.
While people commonly connect the term “narcissism” to physical appearance — just like in the myth — NPD isn’t just about how you look. It can also involve other traits or abilities you have, such as intelligence, charisma, artistic skill, athletic ability, wealth, power, success and more.
Narcissistic behaviour is not one dimensional.
Narcissistic behaviour disorder will hurt, destroy others in the path of glorifying themselves in the face of society. And a narcissistic behaviour is someone who has an excessive sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration and attention. They often have a grandiose sense of entitlement and lack empathy for others believing that the world owes them a favour.
Narcissists tend to believe that they are superior to others and may exploit or manipulate others to fulfil their own needs and desires. They can be charismatic and charming, though their behaviour is often self-centred, manipulative, and lacking in genuine empathy. The manipulation to benefit from any environment is self-evident in their ability to be genuinely happy for the success of another.
They will hijack your moment of celebration by sharing a milestone in their life that is perceivably greater than yours.
Recently I shared a moment of success being on the cover of the most prestigious luxury and to my awe, I painfully witnessed the response from individuals in my space. A minority were hijacking the moment with recent success of theirs, while another few were commenting on the high-resolution professional images. What this moment did was increase my self-awareness on the values I place / placed on welcoming people into my space.
When I assessed these individuals on a closer level, I was and still am able to see the values that they truly are and not what I created in my space of them to be. You see we offer everyone the benefit of any doubt and create illusional image of what they are supposed to be based on either who they are married to, how long we have known them and or their position in society. Instead of calling it for what it is and deeper assessment offers the conclusion of narcissistic behaviour.
The symptoms of Narcisstic Personality Disorder that fall under the criteria which may look like the following:
- Self-created a Grandiose sense of self-importance.
Overestimating their skills, knowledge and capabilities or holding themselves to unreasonably high standards by bragging or exaggerating their achievements.
- Non-stop and frequent fantasies about having or deserving:
Success
Power
Intelligence
Beauty
Love
Self-fulfilment
- A strong belief in superiority.
Consistently thinking they’re special or unique and believing they should associate only with those they see as worthy so increases their need for admiration.
- Fragile self-esteem.
Non-stop and Frequent self-doubt, self-criticism or emptiness while being preoccupied with knowing what others think of them and always fishing for compliments.
- Entitlement.
An inflated sense of self-worth while expecting favourable treatment (to an unreasonable degree) and gets angry when people don’t cater to or appease them.
- Always willingness to exploit others.
Definitely they are consciously or unconsciously using others while forming friendships or relationships with people who boost their self-esteem or status. They then deliberately taking advantage of others for selfish reasons.
- A deep Lack of empathy.
They have no hesitation in saying things that might hurt others ands then seeing the feelings, needs or desires of others as a sign of weakness. They will never return kindness or interest that others show in them as it removes their sense of importance.
- Jealousy and frequent envy.
They are constantly feeling envious of others, especially when others are successful and will hijack the success moments of others by sharing their stories. They live with strong expecting envy from others on their sometime illusional success by belittling or diminishing the achievements of others.
- Non-stop arrogance.
They are consistently search for weak personalities that they can be patronizing them by behaving in a way that’s snobby or disdainful. Additionally, a habit is also talking down or acting condescendingly towards others.
People with NPD may also show other behaviours related to the nine criteria, though still different:
- Who is not open to mutual agreements
- Fear of or avoiding vulnerability.
- It’s always only their way so they withdraw from others to hide feeling vulnerable.
- They are never wrong
- Will manipulate environments to suit them due to their extreme fear of failure
- Not the type to commit to long term relations be that personal or professional
- Have extreme difficulty in accepting another’s opinion or point of view,
- They will highjack every conversation to speak more of them and their life
- Interrupting your excitement of your achievements with comparing theirs to you
- Never or rather seldom sincerely compliments
Narcissistic characteristics can include volatile behaviour, lack of empathy, aggression, abuse and may include gaslighting, constant criticism, humiliation, and coercion.
Additionally, during intimacy (sex), the following are very strong red flags to be aware of:
- Its only when they are in the mood
- They require an enormous amount of praise afterwards on how good they are in bed
- At most, their focus is on physical pleasure and not increased intimacy and passion
- They take serious offence when you share a discomfort in their approach
- Enjoy controlling the after-intimacy moments by either falling asleep and or exiting the environment leaving their partner cold
All the above in essence is an indication of parts of the individual that requires healing.
It’s common for someone who’s a narcissist to test your boundaries or ignore them entirely. Someone with NPD might read through your text messages, follow you around, or do things that you’ve asked them not to do. A substantial number of attempts to reinforce or set healthy boundaries may be met with arguments, anger, accusations and or vehemently rejection of your limitations. And when they really want something, they will resort to manipulation causing confusion, low self-esteem, anxiety, shame, and guilt to you.
You may also be manipulated to stay home, not go to work, engage in sexual acts, or spend money on the narcissist by illusional believing that this will get you closer to them.
Here’s the trick though:
When you are able to recognize the behaviour in another without anger, criticism or judgement, then you soul is present.
When you recognize the above with anger, criticism and a deep sense of judging the narcist, your ego
has been activated.
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